So… I’m watching The Mentalist last night, and at some point some woman who is about to hit on Jane glances down at his hand, which he immediately raises to his face with a smile, and says (a little presumptiously, I must say): “Yes.” And she, a scientist, goes: “The good ones are always taken, right? Natural selection.” And I don’t know what he says next because I’m like -WTF? Are you trying to say that the fact that I’m NOT (yet) taken means… I’m not one of the best choices in the dating market?!!!
I can’t tell you how much I resent the THOUGHT. Naturally, I immediately began defending myself (…to myself): I am ABOVE Average Attractive. On top of this, I’m sexy as HELL. I’m SMART. I’m INTERESTING. I’m FUNNY, for Fuck’s sake. On top of all of these qualities, I’m inherently caring, affectionate, and generous! AND, might I mention that I DON’T like to shop? What man doesn’t DREAM of THAT!!!
I’m speechless, and sad, and my nth birthday is round the corner, which means I’ve been waking up depressed and panicked every day for the last two months, and I can’t take this, and I REFUSE to take it. For my full profile, should you be bothered to read it, please check out this link. If you have a brother or cousin… or janitor who sounds like my kind of guy, you are VERY welcome to write and recommend them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org . If you think I need more of a life and less of downer because I’m still a young woman with plenty of time to find my man and plenty of eggs for his sperm to conquer… write faster.
*sloshed / drunk / impaired / intoxicated / inebriated…