Return of the Mac –Mc Ciggie, that is!

OK, Truth Time. The only reason I’m alive is because I never saw Mike again. Without him, I’ve managed to lose an entire kilo. By Myself. In the period of… well, two months. What’s that? What have I been up to? Well, I’ll tell you!

1. Breaking blog-owner protocol and not getting anyone to man my blogs whilst I was away (I fully intend to put out a call next time though –any volunteers?)

2. Voting (watch this space);

3. Recovering from voting (ongoing -at the end of Voting Day , my skin was dark black as a Sudanese national, and crisp as a fresh chip… I still haven’t recovered my normal colour);

4. Eating restaurant and pub food ACCOMPANIED by beer;

5. Making out with hot Israelis (well, ONE, at least);

Robert’s Camp, Baringo

6. Going on a two-hour boat ride on Baringo lake and NOT spotting a single hippo (despite their snuffling and grunting about our tents at night… did you KNOW that hippos GRUNT?! They don’t teach you that in kindergarten!)

7. Er… dealing with the Painus Exus (YES! He’s BACK! Like a zit, or bloody Universal Soldier!)

8. Looking for an opportunity to go back to school (found it, but now facing butt-cracking essays to write, which must be ‘original, inspiring, informative, and, not least, convey a super: you-can’t-you-shan’t-resist-me vibe about them…)

9. Going about pantie-less ; it’s not as awkward as going bra-less, (speaking off which, click HERE!) but when that single kilo you lost did not come from your buttock area, you’re pretty much swaying in the wind –even through trousers. For those of you who can’t withstand the visual, I’ve actually stopped that now, as extreme heat has given way to cascades of rain and cold weather.

10. Getting a Life Coach –Yeah, I know, I know, but I just godda. Because if this doesn’t sort me out and put me on the ‘Right Track’ in the things I do practically (as you might suspect, I live all up in my head) I may as well just quit my job now, shave my head, dye it purple, take the name Kumbaya (Kumbs to close friends), adopt a squirrel, become vegetarian, get a Green bike, join a crew and spend my days off my head on ‘organic marijuana’, bungee-jumping off of cliffs and hurtling out of planes –when I’m not cross-legged before a fire crooning my name, or weeping loudly through a chakra-resetting séance of wolf-howling, because “…th..th.. the moon is sss..so beauuutiffful, sniff!”

Robert’s Camp, Baringo

On a serious note, if I pressed pause on the Mike button, I HAVE done my best to fulfill my promises to myself. I’ve pretty much stayed off the Internet, and, surprisingly God (or The Universe, if you like) sent me not one, not two, but THREE beautiful new friendships with FAN- and FUN-tastic Gals, PLUS, another with a pretty Great Guy. Yes Siree. I am the proud new owner of a Social Life! The Gals and I even took a trip together at Easter, which not only served to confirm that we can stand each other (VERY. IMPORTANT) but that we actually like doing it! In fact, we’ll be off again sometime this summer. Just last Friday, I attended a soirée, and had a bloody great time.

In fact, the only blots in my Life recently are the Painus Exus showing up (nope, not ready to share just yet) and the Israeli I met who turned out to be Boris*…which was much more depressing than I could have thought. He was just so… Lovely. (Audible Sigh…)

On a braver note… (I can’t believe I’m saying this…) I’m Going Back To Mike next week, new trainers and gym outfit on –complete with knee supports, corset-type bra, and things to pin my hair, my ears and my eyes back. For Real. He may very well, scream, yell, bully, throw me down and (literally) whip me into shape; he may perhaps eventually cripple me, but it would all be in the name of Health. I mean, how great would it be to weigh nothing at around Christmas time? Nobody would notice my cast(s)!!!

*Last para.