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In Hot Pursuit of Happiness

A FreAk Out…


OK. I admit it. I freaked out. Badly. For some stupid reason, yesterday, I went OFF. On my new online Beau. I won’t repeat what I wrote him, because I just don’t want to relive it, but suffice it to say that it ended with “I hate you.” Suffice it to say that he was Mc Shocked.

The funny thing is, I was just getting ready to post my “Update of Mc Mushy”, which went something like this:

Could I Have This Kiss Forever

“In other news, my online Beau and I are still getting along swimmingly. We’ve had minor skirmishes (perhaps due to rising mutual frustration with the distance between us) but we’re sailing through them somehow. I won’t lie. I can’t wait to meet him. And when I think of our meeting, my breath get shallow, my nipples turn into bullets, and l literally do not know where to park myself. It’s getting too much. Thoughts of him pop up while my boss is talking to me, so that I have to ask him to repeat himself. He floats up like a hologram during endless meetings, and I am beginning to rouse myself from a moment’s daydreaming to find that half an hour has passed.  All good signs, wouldn’t you say?

Ally McBeal (character)

Through it all, however, I’m consciously willing myself to keep a level head. I’m not a young, silly romantic any more. I haven’t been for years. I am convinced that there is no faraway look in my eyes, as I go about my business. I do not find myself doodling reprehensible excuses for poetry that would make a girly gay man hurl. And I do not break into song NOR dance, Ally Mc Beal-like, at odd hours of the day and night. I mean, I have, technically, but, hand over heart, those instances were completely unrelated.

In other words, I’m striving to be an ADULT about this. I’m a potential wife and mother, after all -not a  flibbertigibbet, a will o’ a wisp or a clown.”

Michael Connelly at Bouchercon 2010 in San Fra...

Michael Connelly at Bouchercon 2010 in San Francisco. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And then, almost before I could blink -I was going off at him. I blamed him for all my symptoms. I told him I would not be held hostage to my growing feelings for him. I told him I wouldn’t visit him. I basically FREAKED OUT. And naturally, I freaked him out. Who does that? You ask? ME, that’s who. I’m an IDIOT. I’d read this passage in a Michael Connelly novel where his hot-shot detective basically seduces a woman, only to leave her high and dry within two pages. I was SO disgusted.

English: A person shocked

And suddenly, being the self-obsessed writer that I am -it was all about me. This was exactly what was going to happen to me. Course, it didn’t help that I’d had a hard day, and I’d had a few beers. And  naturally, being in that state, I completely forgot that the Golden Rule is to lock up your phones / laptop or other communication materials in case you commit a gaffe as stupid as the one I indeed performed. It’s just lucky I wasn’t pissed at my boss… WTF is WRONG WITH ME?


About Ciggie Cramond

Ciggie Cramond is an author, writer, editor and translator currently living in Nairobi, where she is actively writing her next book, supporting Arsenal, and looking for The One... Online, naturally!


5 thoughts on “A FreAk Out…

  1. I missed this one! I think you need to get over there pronto and errrr…. I think I’ve probably said enough 😉 Incidently it’s so easy to fall out over e-mail/ messenger. It’s happened to me, you say it in ‘your’ head but they read it in ‘their’ head 😉


    Posted by charliecountryboy | November 1, 2012, 8:12 pm
    • So, so, SO TRUE, and excellently put. WHY are people so SENSITIVE? Or is it that they’re so self-involved they can’t stretch a toe long enough to step (and pause) in another’s shoes? As a writer, I’m SUPPOSED to be SUPER self-involved (and it is to indulge this disgusting side of things that one of my blogs is ALL about MOI!) but I think I do take the time to at least try to see things from others’ perspectives -if only, (in a self-involved way, oh dear!!!) to understand them. I love understanding new trains of thoughts and perspectives. Honestly, but shamelessly: Understanding leads to characters and storylines! (So ready for a put down after this. And I probably deserve it.)


      Posted by Ciggie Cramond | November 2, 2012, 7:22 am
      • So many of the great writers were selfish drunks, Hemingway a classic example. Now there’s something to aspire to ha. Booked ya ticket yet? 😉


        Posted by charliecountryboy | November 2, 2012, 10:17 am
      • Hemingway was a living dead drunk. I don’t think I want to get there… although the thought of him makes me feel SERIOUSLY thirsty. There’s a GORGEOUS hotel at the Coast called Hemingway’s, and it’s absolutely STUNNING. It is my ambition to spend a night of utter filth and debauchery there, some day, with a erm… well, yeah. A ‘Loved One’ (what a crap term -sounds like some kind of thick, tasteless, stodgy, podgy home-made cake.) If it doesn’t work out with Mc Mushy, I may come looking for you and take you straight there. Why waste time? We ain’t geh’in any younger innit? If it DOES work out with Mc Mushy, I’ll still take you there, as we’ll probably get married at Hemingways -you know, if it’s still standing if and when we get there. Plus you’ll be FINE by then. Another 12 years will have passed, and you’ll probably be where I am: ready to leap into the murky waters of dating again 😛 (Bless your cotton Y-fronts.)

        Long and short of THIS story is that ‘No’ I’m not going, but he IS coming. Next month. I can only tell you to watch this space… and pray. Pray FERVENTTLY.


        Posted by Ciggie Cramond | November 2, 2012, 12:36 pm
      • Hope it works out I’ll keep some things crossed, not the praying kind 😉


        Posted by charliecountryboy | November 2, 2012, 6:19 pm

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