It’s been an interesting few weeks online. I’ve “met someone” with whom I correspond daily, and whom I am becoming, erm… uh,,, extremely fond of. Well, fond. Not that extremely. I mean, he’s great, but I don’t know what you running away with the idea that… Humph! OK! I LIKE HIM!!! (Satisfied, Charliecountryboy?) Whatever.
I’ve also received the most interesting offers I’ve seen in a long, lo-hong time. First, I give you, “QHertz”. His profile: “5’1” – 155 cm, 9st 12lb”. Believe it. The guy is apparently convinced, after reading my profile, that this gal wants nothing more that you bend down and pick up her husband for a kiss, whenever the urge manifests. Because that’s the romantic picture every gal dreams of. Never mind the joy of having a bevy of children with said dwarf (no offence), none of whom will grow past 4ft 5. Because that’s what every parent wants for their children.
Then, there was a desperate plea from this dude who writes (I kid you not,):
“I want you plis…”
It’s Speechless I was. Speech-less.
Next, a worthy of a movie script, I received the following message from a 52-year old Fat Cat in London:
“If only I was 40, I would have sent you a first class ticket to visit me in London. However, they say ” It is better to be an old mans darling, than a young mans fool ”
Good Luck, “
I wasn’t even tempted. James Brawn, as I call him, seems nice enough. He’s a widower, claims to be wealthy, has a rich man’s hobbies (boats and such) and is recorded on this particular website as being super ‘active’ in his interactions. Which means he’s actively looking –which is good, except; how many first class tickets to London has he already dispensed, and what does he do with the unliucky candidates when he’s realised (or they have) that they’re not The One?
Finally, just a few hours ago, a repulsive 46-year old German man found it fit to send me a message about his high hopes that my privates were not shaved bare (he loves a bit of foliage, he does, don’t you know) and that he was looking forward to his interaction with said parts and foliage. WHO. DOES. THAT? I sent him an extremely rude reply and blocked him. Filthy SLUT. At his age too!
Back to my current Interest. It’s a terrible situation actually, because.. . I’ve NO idea what he looks like. I’m hooked on his personality, and that’s really, FREAKIN’ scary. Not to mention emotionally dangerous. Because, if he turns out to be an 18-year old, 450 pound, 3ft 2 Poil de Carrotte… WTF DO I DO???!!! I’m a WOMAN! Once I’ve fallen for a personality (commonly referred to as ‘his Heart’)… I won’t be able to SEE anything else!!! Should he snap his thick fingers, I’ll find myself taking off for foreign climes! Should he tell me he loves me, I’ll dissolve into a wet mess (and I’m talking all orifices –pardon the grossness.) I’ll marry him against my parents’ will! I’ll elope! And when my parents send Interpol after him for ‘kinapping’, I’ll give birth on a mountainside in Alaska while the agents try to catch up with us, then get right back up and keep running!!! Ok, Ok, too much, I know.
He’s sensitive, and funny, and (horror of horror shows) GETS me. He loves my nonsense, and he challenges me. And we’re already talking travel, to visit each other. (S-H-R-I-E-K.)
In any case, I’m ready for this. I’m ready… right? I’m strong enough for this? To take a chance? To allow myself to feel, to care… to FALL?… Right?