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In Hot Pursuit of Happiness

I don’t need a man… Or do I?

Gold-diggerSpeaking to a beautiful young cousin of mine, this weekend, I was APPALLED at her attitude to Love. She ‘pooh-poohed’ anything I had to say about dating, and frankly laughed in my face when I talked of marriage. She will NOT, not emphatically told me, be marrying ANYONE. EVER. PERIOD. When I asked why, she looked at me as though the streak of insanity she had always suspected ran through me was proving to be a reality. Then she smiled almost pityingly at me, and said ‘But why would anyone get married except for money? Men are of absolutely no use to anyone! Who needs them?’ I immediately felt stupid, not only because, factually, it’s true, but because I saw that my next argument, that True Love was NOT extinct, and that there were decent worthwhile men out there and that she would surely find the Love of Her Life… were not proving true for me either. YET.
busy-mom (1)Do women, in fact, NEED  to have a man in their lives any more? The short, factual answer to this question is No. It isn’t an accident that the Single Parent in the now legally recognized Single Parent Family and Home almost equals the Mother (it did, in my cousin’s case). Women are smart and enterprising, which means that they are well able to rule, manage, delegate, discipline, love, nurture, provide as well as contribute. Women are programmed to come through for their children, even against the worst odds –they are survivors. And even the weakest woman has overwhelming strength inside of her. With a healthy store of well preserved sperm, women could manage the Earth very well indeed, all by Together is Betterthemselves. But all that the activity of living makes us, is a human being. I believe that for a woman to be a woman, there have to be men around. It is the man that makes a woman a woman.  We are two halves of a healthy whole.
We want a man in our lives, because he will (or should) allow us to be the women we are designed to be: Feminine, nurturing, expressive, intuitively smart, a pillar of strength and staunch loyalty; a little coquette, a little colourful, a soupçon of contrary, and with the potential to exasperate a man just enough to keep it interesting.
busy-momIn today’s social environment and financial climate, women should work and help to provide for their households, but men were traditionally the providers, because THAT was their work and women did everything else. Women now compete, not only with one another, but with men –for opportunities, jobs, promotions… It’s incredibly unattractive. Societally, it is also proving to destructive.
Ready to throw downBecause more and more women are having to take on male roles, the woman in us is slowly disappearing, which your grandparents can both assure you is a sight for sore eyes. From the back, it is often easy to confuse a female college student from a male one. Femininity is all but dead. Even when they are dressed for work, professional women do not look feminine, because their ‘power suits’ are designed to look aggressive, rather than disarming. And even the most well cut dress couldn’t save some of these professional women, who, though they may look stunning, when still, walk like male athletes. You’ll recognize them easily, because when they sit down, they forget that they aren’t wearing jeans (I may be one of these!)

SITTING WIDE: If you want to take charge, take up as much space as ­possible — spread your papers, arms and legs as far as they will go and put your feet into the communal space. It’s the equivalent of an ­animal expanding their size in order to threaten and dominate. More…


Women talk as loudly as men, if not louder, are just as aggressive, and there is practically no social code of manners to save them, because etiquette is now a SCHOOL you go to, and the social trend is just to ‘be who you are’. I say it is absolutely possible to be genuinely yourself, and express yourself mannerfully, and with pride in one’s femininity. It was as a response to our femininity, and with great respect for it, that chivalry was originally the norm –in all classes, everywhere. Men stepped aside to let women go first, because the man is supposed to safeguard the softer (not weaker) sex, the sex from which the human race is able to reproduce. For the same reason, when a man accompanied a woman anywhere, he would keep to the outside of the sidewalk because, should a car come careening off the road and towards them, he would be hit first. The only remnants of that age when womanhood was socially respected,  is the call, in an emergency, for ‘Women and Children’ to be rescued first. And I fully prepared to see this eventually disappear too, or turn into ‘Adults with children’.
argumentsNow, if a man throws a woman out of the way to get in a queue first, or pushes her aside in the supermarket, no eyebrow will be raised anywhere. Naturally, since women have now become harpies with the manners of fisherman’s wives in the marketplace, no eyebrow will be raised either, if she aggressively pushes him back, and yells at him in the foulest language as she does so –with her children watching. The softer world of women is gone. The modern woman’s face is drawn, predatory and stressed. Modern mothers are more impatient with their children than indulgent. There is less cherishing and affection, but more criticism and pointing of fingers. angry confused teenLess emotional investment in children, and more financial investment, in babysitters, schools and counseling –because, why even talk to your child about their problems, when someone else can do it for you? As a result, high schools and universities yearly churn out young adults full of education, and empty of confidence, self-love and direction. Which makes them angry, and more likely to be influenced negatively, in a bid to fit in anywhere.
little-black-girlI’ve always thought it insane for anyone to tell a child to ‘grow up’. Childhood is meant to be a protected learning process, the happy place of sweet and fond memories to the adult now facing adult responsibility. No one should wish adulthood on a child. Both child and parent should enjoy the development process. Now, there are innumerable angry adults walking around, taking it out on drink, drugs, subordinates at work, the cashier at the bank, their partners, and on society, through crime. Innumerable emotionally neglected teenagers taking the wrong path because they are wrapped in insecurity, and have no direction in their lives.
But I’ve digressed! Point was… I DO want a man!
Hans has asked me on a date, and I said… ‘Yes’. Of COURSE I said ‘Yes’. Actually, I first said ‘Yes, yes, YES!’ aloud –but I meant ‘Yes,’ which is what I told him, because it’s IMPORTANT to keep your cool when, after three centuries of nothingness, you’re suddenly faced with a Serious Prospect. And keeping your cool does not involved running up the walls, devastating your cupboard, and beginning to apply all the face packs you might have, all at once. Nor did I do any of these things. I really didn’t. I’m thinking about it, but I haven’t. Nor will I. He’s ‘just a guy’, after all. A lovely, funny, interesting, warm… erm… In short, JUST a guy.
Wish me luck!

About Ciggie Cramond

Ciggie Cramond is an author, writer, editor and translator currently living in Nairobi, where she is actively writing her next book, supporting Arsenal, and looking for The One... Online, naturally!


2 thoughts on “I don’t need a man… Or do I?

  1. 'Just' a guy! Thanks for keeping me realistic!Reading that entry I am not entirely sure why you want a guy! But fact is: even if you do want a guy it is NOT just a guy you want… but that is what I am: just a guy!


    Posted by dagsch | January 9, 2012, 10:36 pm


  1. Pingback: Made for You | In Hot Pursuit of Happiness! - January 8, 2014

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