The little boy within the man
seeps out whenever he can,
takes shape in moments of great joy, pure and total and complete,
leaving the small child replete;
is evident most in times of distress, despair and challenge withstood
the child exchanging toys for confused adulthood
The little boy seeks the mother in the woman
so he can be cared for, spoiled and pleased
to rebel against, defend and respect and tease
These days the mother in the woman is pale and wan
She is more boy than girl, her softness gone.
The above verses came to me one afternoon as I read an article about measures being put forward for the Girl Child, and pondered… what on Earth is being done for the Boy?
It used to be that Fathers would impatiently order their sons to grow a backbone, but, for a good many years now, it’s been sisters and mothers, and girlfriends and wives crying out the same instruction. Of course, it doesn’t help that the Father is barely there, if he is at all. Single motherhood is now a recognized family unit, and one that is, very sadly, increasing in scope and steadiness. Women are giving up on men –and not as reluctantly as they might, considering the setup and increase of sperm donation and in vitro fertilization facilities worldwide.
It was to be expected that, as women became empowered, there would be a power shift between men and women –but when exactly did men lose Respect? Whenever that was, this SERIOUS mistake needs to be rectified. Men NEED to take their power back, because, not only do women NOT want it but, as they have taken up more and more of the relinquished control, a horrendous cycle has clearly been created, wherein strong mothers breed equally strong daughters and lord over weak men. Weak men who then go out into society willing to marry and serve another strong woman… or else become so angry with them, that they resort to their primal and single natural advantage over women –their strength. I cannot believe that the significant increase in violent crimes against women in recent years, which, each year become more and more gruesome, is any accident.
There is no discussion now about the slogan on a T-shirt that I proudly wore as a child:
“What Men Can Do, Women Can Do Better!”
But there ARE some things that men are designed to do better than women, without trying. Men have a logical decisive mind, and this makes them good rulers, in the household as well as at the office. The quest to find out “What Women Want” is a societal joke, but it is based on fact because –even women don’t know what they want, half the time. We were designed to be a powerful source of strength, but men were made the Head (at least, Biblically) to decisively harness our power, and guide and use it to the advantage of the family unit as a whole. It is not an accident that, before the Giving Up stage, most women go through a period where they are desperately trying to find a mate. While we function extremely well by ourselves, and were designed with marvelous powers of self-sufficiency –we function even better in a partnership. Women WANT partnerships with friends, colleagues, cronies AND a husband. We even want an enemy or two, to satisfy our bitchy side, just as the power of real men comes out when they are faced with competition.
I emphatically do NOT put my own sex down –I know too well what marvelous achievements we are capable of, even on our own. But I am a traditional girl too. And, though I am currently having a HUGE fight with God (but that’s another post), I am a Christian, and have never wavered in my belief of His existence, therefore the Word, which makes much sense to me, including with regard to romantic relationships between men and women. The Bible sets out the perfect formula, very simply and succinctly of a successful relationship: Man: Love your Woman with ALL that you have. Women: Submit to your husbands. Though I am emphatically NOT a Biblical scholar (nor do I care to be) and have no knowledge of the Jewish, Greek, Aramaic or any other interpretation of the word, I do NOT believe that the word ‘submit’ means that women are asked to put themselves below their partners in any way. Rather, I think they are asked to relinquish Ultimate Responsibility to their partners, as the Heads of their households –which I think works for both parties. Women are naturally enterprising and excellent DOERS, especially when they take a cause to heart. They are excellent givers, and, so long as their needs are met, will be happy, in these conditions to do almost anything. And so the Biblical formula actually reads: Men: Meet you Woman’s every need, with a loving heart and mind (Kindness, Consideration, and Generosity); Women: Give yourself completely to your man. Give him Respect, Love, Sex, Support, Ideas, Opinions etc. And then TRUST him to make the Ultimate Decision for the good of both of you, and your children. And this WORKS, whether a couple is deciding on where to holiday, where to invest, or what schools their children should attend. Men were given broader shoulders to take on Ultimate Responsibility for the couple’s decision-making, during which, naturally he should consult his wife thoroughly. When they fail, their wives are designed to BE the woman behind the man, and so-called ‘Pillar of Strength’. When they succeed, LIKEWISE. Women are resilient –much more so than men. But then we were designed that way, to be the Heart of the Home, whereas the man is the Head.
Trouble is, men have fled, and are actively fleeing Responsibility, and women have had to take over being both the Head and Heart of the home –which does NOT bode well for the making of a boy into a strong man. Children are not just children –they are adults in the making, and they differ in sex for the good reason that their responsibilities and purposes naturally differ –or SHOULD. Girls look to their mother for guidance as to the woman they should become. Boys look to their fathers. This has scientifically and psychologically been proven to be true. So what does a boy do, when all he has to look up to is a mother? Or a weak father, whose wife treats him like one of their children? Women ARE working out that having a husband they do everything for except bathe and dress is foolish. Better save that energy for their children. I certainly would rather remain single forever, than have a husband I have to rule, give an allowance to, make decisions for and resent all the while. I want a STRONG husband, who, as I take of him, will teach me, guide me, and work WITH me to make both our dreams come true.
In Grey’s Anatomy, one of the TV serie that I’m entirely addicted to, Dr Bailey, having just discovered that she’s pregnant says:
“Did you know that carrying a boy in your uterus means you burn 10% more than if you had a girl?… Men. From the very beginning they just suck the life right out of you.”
I think they’re meant to. Women are equipped to give, to bring forth, to generate power, life and all the rest of it. Without a giving woman, a man has nothing to work with. Men, who are designed to take. But what they take, they should work and return tenfold, in a steady flow of happiness and success, for both parties.
Men need to become men again –and even the strongest women cannot show them how. The few, proper Alpha males that are left in society that are looked up to, those male leaders that have garnered and managed to maintain their Respect, NEED to light the Boy’s way again, into becoming a Man. A Boy Child Movement is sorely needed. RIGHT NOW. I mean, even those women in successful relationships should worry about whom their daughters are going to grow up to meet. I certainly do… and I’m still debating whether I’ll ever have children!