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In Hot Pursuit of Happiness

“Painus Exus” –Meet the Species

In December, my ex suddenly came out of the woodwork. At first it was an inquiry as to how I was. I hung up. Next, there was a text inquiring as to how to get a bag of shoes to me, which I had left in his custody. As I so keenly wanted to text back that he should shove it up… and I do try to be a lady, I promptly gave my phone to the friend I happened to be with for safekeeping. Never deterred, when he wants something, my ex promptly contrived to stalk and “run into” me a few days later… with the bag of shoes… which I promptly took, without a word, before continuing on my errands. He was wise enough not to follow, but he did send me another text, immediately, saying that it had been “good to see you.”

This was quickly followed by a phone call that night, which I took, simply in order to repeat what I had told him when we separated: that I wanted nothing more to do with him, that he should lose my number and never call me, nor mail, nor even send either snail-mail nor smoke signals my way. When I am ‘done’, you see, I am ‘done.’ No kidding. He answered genially that he understood… and promptly began a series of phone calls and texts, which prompted me, last week, to type out what I had said on the phone in a text, in capital letters.

I have spent this time expecting a personal visit, and doing some kickboxing, in preparation for it.

Honestly, what is it about the Painus Exus species? The simple answer: they want what they don’t have. They don’t like it that you’ve moved along. They can’t bear to think that you might be able to function, let alone be happy, without them in your life.

In my case, I can quite understand why he might be feeling this way: I spent an entire year compromising all that I was for this man. I actually allowed everything to go his way… because that’s the way he wanted it. I allowed myself to come second, and spoiled him in the process… I am still trying to figure out what I was thinking. Our version of compromise was his way, and if he didn’t get his way, if I so much as hinted that I thought or wanted differently… he would sulk. Naturally, the day my brain began functioning again, and I realised that my Life is actually my own, the relationship was over.

Yes. I. An intelligent, educated woman. Was going to marry that. And that’s not all. I was going to marry that, despite the fact that no one, not family nor friends, approved of him. Therefore, I am reaping the consequences –and what a bitter pill to swallow.

The Painus Exus affects us in many ways, ranging from mildly annoying to gravely dangerous. If your ex begins to stalk you, you must let someone know. If he bugs you via phone, you may have to change your number. The one thing you don’t do –is go back to them. No matter how tempting it might be. Life flows forwards, and not backwards. It may take a while to find him or her, but the right person will come along. If you are able to stay friends with your Painus Exi, all the better, as you may become uncommonly good friends.God Bless You Today!

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About Ciggie Cramond

Ciggie Cramond is an author, writer, editor and translator currently living in Nairobi, where she is actively writing her next book, supporting Arsenal, and looking for The One... Online, naturally!

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  1. Pingback: Writing and –will 2012 be an Annum “Painus Anus”? « ciggiecramond - July 14, 2012

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